Fifteen and killing it

Today is my oldest daughter's birthday.  The one who made me a mom.  The one who looks like me but is so much like her dad.  The one who would not let me take a picture of her today under any circumstances.  The one who doesn't have conversations with me regularly anymore, just one word answers when prompted.  The one who unintentionally breaks my heart daily and then puts it back together again with just the slightest look or half-smile.

I'm constantly asking myself how I can be more of what she needs as opposed to how I *think* things should be or what she *should* want from me.  It's such a simple thing yet so complex at the same time.  Simple because we're all human and for the most part want the same basic things from the people we love.  Complex because the whole parent/child dynamic has started to shift and this is new territory for both of us.  

She had many from her basketball team over on Saturday night where they ate and swam and went in the spa and who knows what else before finally falling asleep at 4:00am. Aside from that, I had to ask myself how I could make her birthday special for HER.  She absolutely does not appreciate anything over-the-top and even would consider balloons and flower a bit too much.  We stopped at Starbucks on our way to school this morning, she came home to a few gifts to open with just her brother and sister and her dad on FaceTime from the firehouse.  She got the AirPods she's been wanting for over a year (I HATE the idea of them but I'm learning to bend) and a few sweet gifts from her siblings.  The went upstairs and got dressed for basketball practice and packed for volleyball practice and we hit the road.  All she asked for was if after both practices we could stop at Panda Express.  A 10pm Panda run on your 15th birthday after 4 hours of practice seems like the best way to end the day, at least for my girl.  

When I asked myself what else I may be able to give or do for her to make her birthday special without super annoying her, I thought, "Maybe she just wants to know she's kicking ass at this crazy life she's living right now."  

Starbucks, AirPods, 10pm Panda run - none of it matters as much as this.  At least, I hope.  And I'm pretty confident I'm correct.  Although, being quiet and reserved like she is she'd never express that and that's ok.  I don't need my feelings validated today but I sure want to be sure she knows hers are.